I Don't Wanna Go A Day Without You
1.
My fingers gracefully click over the sleek black keys, soaking up every one of his words like a life-giving liquid. Staring at the screen I smile. He’s so perfect. He almost seems to read my mind while we talk, typing away to each other for hours on end, each one slipping past like it’s a minute. It’s like he knows me as well as some of my oldest friends know me, I feel like he could finish my sentences for me. And yet I’ve never met him, he feels so close to me, but all I know is that he’s a friend of a friend
The part that hurts the most are times when I feel so torn, I try to be supportive when he needs me, when his old flame is pulling at his heart. But a piece of me screams out for it to be me that he wants to be with. When I think about him I know how stupid it is, I can’t possibly have fallen for someone I’ve never met, there’s just something that nags away at my mind, keeping me awake at night. I throw him from my thoughts but he re-appears again as soon as I close my eyes.
When I finally manage to kill these emotions I have for him, push thoughts from my mind – block out the voices in my heart and see him only as a friend, I finally get to meet him; shimmering blue pools for eyes, melting the walls around my cold heart in a fleeting instant. The way the black metal flicks on his lip as he speaks doubles my pulse in a way that catches my breath; his conversation is the same perfection that I lived on through the internet but this time I get to listen to his voice, an accent I could listen to for hours. I was lost in his appearance for what felt like a lifetime, never wanting to leave, until a figure moves to his side, her drunken eyes meeting mine and a grin spreading across her face; revealing large, white teeth. My pulse dies as her high pitched voice rips through my ears, tearing my dreams and eardrums apart.
I gasp for air as my body remembers how to breathe and the last strength in my muscles throws me into a seated position; looking around the darkness I realise I had been dreaming about him again, I run my hand up my arm and find it cold and clammy before noticing that my entire body is the same. My face is wet from tears cried while I slept and my chest shakes as I breathe, I can’t take it anymore – I don’t want to feel like this, my mind can’t think of anything else. Not since the day I met him. Not since the day I met her. Knowing he is something unreachable makes the dreams stronger, more real – more painful; I can’t get out of my head so I have to listen to the screaming voices that echo round 24 hours a day. Falling back onto my pillow I simply lay in the darkness, willing myself into sleep, more tears fall but I don’t feel anything; my eyes don’t burn, there’s no lump in my throat – I’ve done it so many times unwillingly that it has become second nature, this agony is as natural to me as my heartbeat.
Days pass by as I wander round in emptiness. My entire body, mind and soul are drained of everything – brought on by restless nights and lonely days. I have become a different person; appearance never quite right, voice a dying whisper with no passion or opinion and a mind that cares about nothing but hiding away the suffering and torture it has been put through. Times I damn him for making me this way, others I damn myself for being so weak hearted. Either way I cannot survive in these conditions, I need to keep him at a distance or I need him to share my feelings. It’s impossible for me to live in the middle.
Had this one-shot on my laptop for a while, rather unfinished.
Then I got the need to finish it this morning, and here it is.
Please show it some love
Thank you :]
The part that hurts the most are times when I feel so torn, I try to be supportive when he needs me, when his old flame is pulling at his heart. But a piece of me screams out for it to be me that he wants to be with. When I think about him I know how stupid it is, I can’t possibly have fallen for someone I’ve never met, there’s just something that nags away at my mind, keeping me awake at night. I throw him from my thoughts but he re-appears again as soon as I close my eyes.
When I finally manage to kill these emotions I have for him, push thoughts from my mind – block out the voices in my heart and see him only as a friend, I finally get to meet him; shimmering blue pools for eyes, melting the walls around my cold heart in a fleeting instant. The way the black metal flicks on his lip as he speaks doubles my pulse in a way that catches my breath; his conversation is the same perfection that I lived on through the internet but this time I get to listen to his voice, an accent I could listen to for hours. I was lost in his appearance for what felt like a lifetime, never wanting to leave, until a figure moves to his side, her drunken eyes meeting mine and a grin spreading across her face; revealing large, white teeth. My pulse dies as her high pitched voice rips through my ears, tearing my dreams and eardrums apart.
I gasp for air as my body remembers how to breathe and the last strength in my muscles throws me into a seated position; looking around the darkness I realise I had been dreaming about him again, I run my hand up my arm and find it cold and clammy before noticing that my entire body is the same. My face is wet from tears cried while I slept and my chest shakes as I breathe, I can’t take it anymore – I don’t want to feel like this, my mind can’t think of anything else. Not since the day I met him. Not since the day I met her. Knowing he is something unreachable makes the dreams stronger, more real – more painful; I can’t get out of my head so I have to listen to the screaming voices that echo round 24 hours a day. Falling back onto my pillow I simply lay in the darkness, willing myself into sleep, more tears fall but I don’t feel anything; my eyes don’t burn, there’s no lump in my throat – I’ve done it so many times unwillingly that it has become second nature, this agony is as natural to me as my heartbeat.
Days pass by as I wander round in emptiness. My entire body, mind and soul are drained of everything – brought on by restless nights and lonely days. I have become a different person; appearance never quite right, voice a dying whisper with no passion or opinion and a mind that cares about nothing but hiding away the suffering and torture it has been put through. Times I damn him for making me this way, others I damn myself for being so weak hearted. Either way I cannot survive in these conditions, I need to keep him at a distance or I need him to share my feelings. It’s impossible for me to live in the middle.
Had this one-shot on my laptop for a while, rather unfinished.
Then I got the need to finish it this morning, and here it is.
Please show it some love
Thank you :]