The Hermit and the Bard
The Hermit and the Bard
The Hermit began to hit his head gently on the cave wall as the Bard started singing...again. This whole mission was completely idiotic. Seriously, travelling with a bard is not a good idea especially when you have to be extra quiet and tiptoe around an abnormally large dragon with frighteningly sharp fangs and talons who breathes fire. No, it most certainly was not a good idea but out of everyone in the town the Bard was the only one who agreed to accompany the Hermit on this perilous journey. The Hermit should have just gone back to his cabin in the woods and let the villagers stand up to the secret organization on their own. Eventually someone would have right?
"The Hermit bravely clad came down from his…" The Bard paused and glanced at the Hermit. "Hey Boss, what rhymes with clad?"
The Hermit shushed the Bard as he noticed the dragon beginning to move. The Bard struck a chord on his lyre accidentally and the Hermit closed his eyes. "Will you shut up?! Your singing is so bad!"
"AHA! That's it, BAD!" The Bard began to play again and sang his song loudly and completely out of tune. "The Hermit bravely clad come down from his cabin and smelled so bad that all the villagers ran away screaming like MAAAAAD!"
The dragon awoke and gave a loud blood-curdling roar. "Who dares to enter my lair?"
"It speeeeakssss," sang the Bard happily.
"Well what did you expect, a mute?" asked the grand dragon very much offended. "I am Brittle the Great. I reward those who give me a good reason to and…wait that's not how it goes…" Brittle the Great sat on its haunches mumbling under his breath.
"Brittle the Great, I am Marty the Hermit. I have come in quest of the Seven League Boots!"
The dragon looked down Marty curiously. "You want those smelly old things? If that’s all you wanted you could've just knocked earlier you know. I have been trying to get rid of them for ages and no one ever needs them." Brittle rocked himself onto all fours and lugged himself to a large cavern. "Now if only I can find them…ah yes, wait no that's the Boots of Valor." Brittle tossed out another pair of boots and wagged his tail. Pretty soon there was a large pile of junk behind him.
"Finally," he said after about a half hour.
Marty stood up in excitement, stowing his nail filer back into his knapsack. "You found it?"
Brittle pulled his head out of the cavern and looked at the Hermit. "No I didn't find those shoe things, I found my teddy bear. See?" He showed the crestfallen Hermit a battered stuffed animal before turning back into the cavern. "What do you need these things for anyway?"
The Bard struck another chord and was about to sing but the Hermit cut him off quickly, "The Secret Organization has put my name on their hit list and I have to stop them before they come to kill me."
"There's a Secret Organization?"
"Yes…"
"And this Organization has put your name on a hit list?"
"That’s what I said…"
"Don't get smart mouthed with me Mr. Marty! I was only asking." The dragon pulled himself out of the cavern again and dangled a pair of mangled boots in front of the Hermit. "Here you go, the Seven League Boots. For every one step you take you will travel seven leagues. You can keep those ratty boots after you've completed the mission. No one ever needs them anymore, especially after the inventions of the steam boat, the automobile, and the airplane."
Marty pondered the ways that these inventions would have made this whole quest more convenient but shrugged it off when he realized that it was too late. He already had the Seven League Boots so why not use them. It might be more fun anyway. The Bard walked to him and began to strum the lyre once more. "Noooow, the Hermit feels like a dimwit who has to check if these boots even fit!"
"Please stop singing," the Hermit asked unhappily. He glanced at the dragon that was already lapsing back into a light doze. "You don't happen to have Advil do you?"
"I only give one gift per traveler," answered through his yawn.
"Thought so… See you around then Brittle the Great."
The Hermit turned and walked out of the cave with the Bard hot on trail. "Once again the brave set forth and… Hey Boss?"
"North…"
"What?"
"North rhymes with forth."
"Oh, yes I know that. I was actually going to ask how we are both going to use the boots when there is only one pair."
Marty paused to ponder this very good question and then gave one of the boots to the Hermit. "We hop."
They each put on a boot and then stood up. Together they drew one great breath and hopped. Seven leagues later they both collapsed onto the ground panting. The Bard took off a boot and threw it into a pond. "You know Boss; I don't think that these boots work anymore."
"You think?" The Hermit grumbled angrily. "I didn't notice after the first fifty hops we took."
"So what do we do now?"
"Hitch-hike."
I did warn you ahead of time.
"The Hermit bravely clad came down from his…" The Bard paused and glanced at the Hermit. "Hey Boss, what rhymes with clad?"
The Hermit shushed the Bard as he noticed the dragon beginning to move. The Bard struck a chord on his lyre accidentally and the Hermit closed his eyes. "Will you shut up?! Your singing is so bad!"
"AHA! That's it, BAD!" The Bard began to play again and sang his song loudly and completely out of tune. "The Hermit bravely clad come down from his cabin and smelled so bad that all the villagers ran away screaming like MAAAAAD!"
The dragon awoke and gave a loud blood-curdling roar. "Who dares to enter my lair?"
"It speeeeakssss," sang the Bard happily.
"Well what did you expect, a mute?" asked the grand dragon very much offended. "I am Brittle the Great. I reward those who give me a good reason to and…wait that's not how it goes…" Brittle the Great sat on its haunches mumbling under his breath.
"Brittle the Great, I am Marty the Hermit. I have come in quest of the Seven League Boots!"
The dragon looked down Marty curiously. "You want those smelly old things? If that’s all you wanted you could've just knocked earlier you know. I have been trying to get rid of them for ages and no one ever needs them." Brittle rocked himself onto all fours and lugged himself to a large cavern. "Now if only I can find them…ah yes, wait no that's the Boots of Valor." Brittle tossed out another pair of boots and wagged his tail. Pretty soon there was a large pile of junk behind him.
"Finally," he said after about a half hour.
Marty stood up in excitement, stowing his nail filer back into his knapsack. "You found it?"
Brittle pulled his head out of the cavern and looked at the Hermit. "No I didn't find those shoe things, I found my teddy bear. See?" He showed the crestfallen Hermit a battered stuffed animal before turning back into the cavern. "What do you need these things for anyway?"
The Bard struck another chord and was about to sing but the Hermit cut him off quickly, "The Secret Organization has put my name on their hit list and I have to stop them before they come to kill me."
"There's a Secret Organization?"
"Yes…"
"And this Organization has put your name on a hit list?"
"That’s what I said…"
"Don't get smart mouthed with me Mr. Marty! I was only asking." The dragon pulled himself out of the cavern again and dangled a pair of mangled boots in front of the Hermit. "Here you go, the Seven League Boots. For every one step you take you will travel seven leagues. You can keep those ratty boots after you've completed the mission. No one ever needs them anymore, especially after the inventions of the steam boat, the automobile, and the airplane."
Marty pondered the ways that these inventions would have made this whole quest more convenient but shrugged it off when he realized that it was too late. He already had the Seven League Boots so why not use them. It might be more fun anyway. The Bard walked to him and began to strum the lyre once more. "Noooow, the Hermit feels like a dimwit who has to check if these boots even fit!"
"Please stop singing," the Hermit asked unhappily. He glanced at the dragon that was already lapsing back into a light doze. "You don't happen to have Advil do you?"
"I only give one gift per traveler," answered through his yawn.
"Thought so… See you around then Brittle the Great."
The Hermit turned and walked out of the cave with the Bard hot on trail. "Once again the brave set forth and… Hey Boss?"
"North…"
"What?"
"North rhymes with forth."
"Oh, yes I know that. I was actually going to ask how we are both going to use the boots when there is only one pair."
Marty paused to ponder this very good question and then gave one of the boots to the Hermit. "We hop."
They each put on a boot and then stood up. Together they drew one great breath and hopped. Seven leagues later they both collapsed onto the ground panting. The Bard took off a boot and threw it into a pond. "You know Boss; I don't think that these boots work anymore."
"You think?" The Hermit grumbled angrily. "I didn't notice after the first fifty hops we took."
"So what do we do now?"
"Hitch-hike."
I did warn you ahead of time.