Can't have you.
19.
Lauren opened the envelope and pulled out a CD and a single piece of paper that was written on. She passed Emily the CD and asked her to put it on while she unfolded the paper to read the letter.
The letter read:
Lauren,
I am so sorry for everything that happened. Hopefully you realise that I was just stressed out and I never meant to take anything out on you. I miss you so much. Lauren, please understand that I do love you, no forget that, im in love with you. I cant even think about anything else but you, I seem to be forever moping around with images of you in my head, your amazing little smile and laugh, the way you screw your nose up at things you don’t like and the way you role your pretty eyes at me when I do something stupid. Please forgive me and come home. If you can forgive me but don’t want to go back to what we were im cool with that, as long as I can at least be your friend, I need to be near you Lauren. Im sorry, I miss you and im in love you. Please forgive me and come home.
Love Nick. Xx
As Lauren reread the letter, the song began again. She let go of the letter and listened to the song, the lyrics floated around her head as she took them in.
I don't wanna fall asleep
Cause I don't know if I'll get up
And I don't wanna cause a scene
Cause I'm dyin' without your love (yeah!)
I'm beggin' to hear your voice
Tell me you love me too
Cause I'd rather just be alone
If I know that I can't have you
So tell me what we're fighting for
Cause you know that truth means so much more
Cause you would if you could, don't lie
Cause I'd give everything that I've got left
To show you I mean what I have said
I know I was such a fool
But I can't live without you
when the song finished, Lauren stood and took the CD out of the CD player. She slid it and the letter back in the envelope and set it down on the table. Maybe Nick was sorry and did love her but she didn’t want to risk it. Cuddling her legs, Lauren flicked on the television and turned on the music channel, hoping that the music would help her relax and not worry about the song she had just heard. Quickly, Lauren faced Emily and started a conversation.
“How long did you manage to get to stay here?” Lauren asked.
“Im staying for 3 days. It’s all I could get off of work.” Emily replied, sadness in her voice.
“That’s better than nothing.” Lauren said smiling.
“Yeah I guess so.” Emily smiled.
“So Claire said we have to stop by Starbucks and go see her at some point today.” Lauren said cheerfully.
“Cool, we shall go see her then.” Emily smiled, happy to see her friend happy.
The girls spent a few hours together basically just catching up before Emily decided she would go and get changed and then they would go to Starbucks to see Claire. As Emily changed, Lauren rang Claire, knowing she would now be on her break, to tell her they were going to see her soon. Finishing the call, Lauren snapped her phone shut and chucked it into her little over the shoulder bag. A few moments later, Emily came out of the bedroom ready to go. The girls walked to the local starbucks where both Claire and Lauren worked.
“So you work here too now?” Emily asked Lauren as they walked down the street.
“Yup. I work in the starbucks out here just like before we left and just like when I lived in LA. The manager out in LA rang up and sorted everything out with Bob, my boss, so that I would get my job back out here.” Lauren explained.
“Cool.” Emily nodded.
“So, I don’t actually know what to say now.” Lauren said laughing.
“How about you tell me that you are going to move back to LA with me and then get back together with Nick.” Emily said smiling.
“Cant do that.” Lauren said her face full of sadness.
“What do you mean?” Emily asked, completely confused.
“I can’t move back to LA. Not at the moment anyway. And Nick and I won’t be getting back together for a long time probably, if we ever do.” Lauren muttered the last part under her breath.
“Ok, well maybe come visit soon then?” Emily asked her friend, hoping for the best.
“Maybe. Claire wants to me Joe so I guess I could haul her ass out there too.” I laughed slightly.
“Cool, you never know, Claire and Joe might fall madly in love and then Claire and I would want you to stay in LA with us.” Emily said laughing.
“Maybe, but I don’t think I would.” Lauren sighed.
Emily understood instantly that Lauren wanted a change of conversation so decided to talk about what the letter had said, not a complete change of conversation, but a change non-the-less.
“So what did your letter say?”
“What letter?”
“The one I gave you earlier.”
“Oh right. Nick said he loves me, misses me, he’s sorry and wants me to forgive him even if we end up just friends because he needs me in his life.”
“So, are you forgiving him?”
“Yeah, im gunna write a letter tomorrow while you go see your family that im gunna get you to give to him.”
“Oh right.”
“Yeah.”
That’s where the conversation ended; it stopped the second the familiar sign of starbucks was in view. Lauren walked into the coffee shop casually, Emily following behind. The second Lauren and Emily were in full view of the counter, Claire yelled, ‘im going on my break’ and ran out to greet the two.
“Emily!” Claire yelled as she reached Emily.
having not seen her for over a year Claire was very excited to see Emily, as the two girls began to become close friends before Lauren and Emily left for LA. Emily and Claire were no where near as close as Lauren and Claire were though. The short brunette was always hyper on red bull and loved to drink and dance.
“Claire!” Emily called back.
“Lauren, my friend. Drinking Friday night?” Claire asked with a smile on her face.
“Claire, my friend, of course im drinking Friday night. What about you?”
“Of course. What about you Em?”
“Im back in LA on Friday. I leave Thursday night.”
“That sucks. You are going to miss some very nice Vodka and Coke.”
“Yup, Claire has come up with the perfect amount of Vodka and Coke to mix in a cup. It doesn’t make it as bitter when you have the right amount of coke.”
Lauren, Emily and Claire sat around a big table in the corner of starbucks, each clutching a hot chocolate in their hands. Laughter filled the air while they spoke about some of the things they got up to when they finished school and went out together. Before long, Claire’s and Lauren’s boss, Bob came over and told Claire she needed to get back to work. Reluctantly Claire left the table, leaving Lauren and Emily time to speak on their own.
“Will you come out to LA soon Lauren?” Emily asked her friend.
“I guess so, but id stay at a hotel so there wouldn’t be a chance that Nick and I would bump into each other.”
“Oh right, fair enough.”
“Sorry, I just don’t think seeing Nick is a great idea.” Lauren said as the girls stood to leave.
“Shall we talk about this when we get to yours? Stop people from listening in?”
“Yeah.”
The girls walked back to Lauren’s flat in silence. When they reached the door, Lauren swung it open and stalked into the living room, swinging her bag over the door handle as she went in.
“So finishing off our conversation from before.” Emily said, sitting down.
“Well, I don’t think seeing him is a great idea. End for conversation.”
“No its not. You love him don’t you Lauren. Hell you’re probably even in love with him. And there’s a big difference.”
“I know, I think I probably am in love with him, but I cant go back not yet anyway.”
“I understand that, but why try to forget about him?”
“Im not trying, I couldn’t even if I tried.”
“So what, you’re just gunna leave him, not talk to him again?”
“No, im just saying I don’t want to see him yet.”
“Fine.”
“Im going to bed, ive been up since like 3 this morning.”
“Same, I don’t care that its only just turned 8 o’clock.”
The girls went to their separate bedrooms and changed before slipping into bed and falling asleep. Emily’s dreams consisted of her and Kevin getting married and having children, a dream she hoped one day would come true. Laurens dreams consisted of her and Nick when they were happy together, she also dreamt about them being together again some day.
Im getting really bored of writing this now which sucks because when I started it I loved it
Im writing chapter 29 now I think, its only going to go up to maybe 35 at the most.
Anyway enjoy
The letter read:
Lauren,
I am so sorry for everything that happened. Hopefully you realise that I was just stressed out and I never meant to take anything out on you. I miss you so much. Lauren, please understand that I do love you, no forget that, im in love with you. I cant even think about anything else but you, I seem to be forever moping around with images of you in my head, your amazing little smile and laugh, the way you screw your nose up at things you don’t like and the way you role your pretty eyes at me when I do something stupid. Please forgive me and come home. If you can forgive me but don’t want to go back to what we were im cool with that, as long as I can at least be your friend, I need to be near you Lauren. Im sorry, I miss you and im in love you. Please forgive me and come home.
Love Nick. Xx
As Lauren reread the letter, the song began again. She let go of the letter and listened to the song, the lyrics floated around her head as she took them in.
I don't wanna fall asleep
Cause I don't know if I'll get up
And I don't wanna cause a scene
Cause I'm dyin' without your love (yeah!)
I'm beggin' to hear your voice
Tell me you love me too
Cause I'd rather just be alone
If I know that I can't have you
So tell me what we're fighting for
Cause you know that truth means so much more
Cause you would if you could, don't lie
Cause I'd give everything that I've got left
To show you I mean what I have said
I know I was such a fool
But I can't live without you
when the song finished, Lauren stood and took the CD out of the CD player. She slid it and the letter back in the envelope and set it down on the table. Maybe Nick was sorry and did love her but she didn’t want to risk it. Cuddling her legs, Lauren flicked on the television and turned on the music channel, hoping that the music would help her relax and not worry about the song she had just heard. Quickly, Lauren faced Emily and started a conversation.
“How long did you manage to get to stay here?” Lauren asked.
“Im staying for 3 days. It’s all I could get off of work.” Emily replied, sadness in her voice.
“That’s better than nothing.” Lauren said smiling.
“Yeah I guess so.” Emily smiled.
“So Claire said we have to stop by Starbucks and go see her at some point today.” Lauren said cheerfully.
“Cool, we shall go see her then.” Emily smiled, happy to see her friend happy.
The girls spent a few hours together basically just catching up before Emily decided she would go and get changed and then they would go to Starbucks to see Claire. As Emily changed, Lauren rang Claire, knowing she would now be on her break, to tell her they were going to see her soon. Finishing the call, Lauren snapped her phone shut and chucked it into her little over the shoulder bag. A few moments later, Emily came out of the bedroom ready to go. The girls walked to the local starbucks where both Claire and Lauren worked.
“So you work here too now?” Emily asked Lauren as they walked down the street.
“Yup. I work in the starbucks out here just like before we left and just like when I lived in LA. The manager out in LA rang up and sorted everything out with Bob, my boss, so that I would get my job back out here.” Lauren explained.
“Cool.” Emily nodded.
“So, I don’t actually know what to say now.” Lauren said laughing.
“How about you tell me that you are going to move back to LA with me and then get back together with Nick.” Emily said smiling.
“Cant do that.” Lauren said her face full of sadness.
“What do you mean?” Emily asked, completely confused.
“I can’t move back to LA. Not at the moment anyway. And Nick and I won’t be getting back together for a long time probably, if we ever do.” Lauren muttered the last part under her breath.
“Ok, well maybe come visit soon then?” Emily asked her friend, hoping for the best.
“Maybe. Claire wants to me Joe so I guess I could haul her ass out there too.” I laughed slightly.
“Cool, you never know, Claire and Joe might fall madly in love and then Claire and I would want you to stay in LA with us.” Emily said laughing.
“Maybe, but I don’t think I would.” Lauren sighed.
Emily understood instantly that Lauren wanted a change of conversation so decided to talk about what the letter had said, not a complete change of conversation, but a change non-the-less.
“So what did your letter say?”
“What letter?”
“The one I gave you earlier.”
“Oh right. Nick said he loves me, misses me, he’s sorry and wants me to forgive him even if we end up just friends because he needs me in his life.”
“So, are you forgiving him?”
“Yeah, im gunna write a letter tomorrow while you go see your family that im gunna get you to give to him.”
“Oh right.”
“Yeah.”
That’s where the conversation ended; it stopped the second the familiar sign of starbucks was in view. Lauren walked into the coffee shop casually, Emily following behind. The second Lauren and Emily were in full view of the counter, Claire yelled, ‘im going on my break’ and ran out to greet the two.
“Emily!” Claire yelled as she reached Emily.
having not seen her for over a year Claire was very excited to see Emily, as the two girls began to become close friends before Lauren and Emily left for LA. Emily and Claire were no where near as close as Lauren and Claire were though. The short brunette was always hyper on red bull and loved to drink and dance.
“Claire!” Emily called back.
“Lauren, my friend. Drinking Friday night?” Claire asked with a smile on her face.
“Claire, my friend, of course im drinking Friday night. What about you?”
“Of course. What about you Em?”
“Im back in LA on Friday. I leave Thursday night.”
“That sucks. You are going to miss some very nice Vodka and Coke.”
“Yup, Claire has come up with the perfect amount of Vodka and Coke to mix in a cup. It doesn’t make it as bitter when you have the right amount of coke.”
Lauren, Emily and Claire sat around a big table in the corner of starbucks, each clutching a hot chocolate in their hands. Laughter filled the air while they spoke about some of the things they got up to when they finished school and went out together. Before long, Claire’s and Lauren’s boss, Bob came over and told Claire she needed to get back to work. Reluctantly Claire left the table, leaving Lauren and Emily time to speak on their own.
“Will you come out to LA soon Lauren?” Emily asked her friend.
“I guess so, but id stay at a hotel so there wouldn’t be a chance that Nick and I would bump into each other.”
“Oh right, fair enough.”
“Sorry, I just don’t think seeing Nick is a great idea.” Lauren said as the girls stood to leave.
“Shall we talk about this when we get to yours? Stop people from listening in?”
“Yeah.”
The girls walked back to Lauren’s flat in silence. When they reached the door, Lauren swung it open and stalked into the living room, swinging her bag over the door handle as she went in.
“So finishing off our conversation from before.” Emily said, sitting down.
“Well, I don’t think seeing him is a great idea. End for conversation.”
“No its not. You love him don’t you Lauren. Hell you’re probably even in love with him. And there’s a big difference.”
“I know, I think I probably am in love with him, but I cant go back not yet anyway.”
“I understand that, but why try to forget about him?”
“Im not trying, I couldn’t even if I tried.”
“So what, you’re just gunna leave him, not talk to him again?”
“No, im just saying I don’t want to see him yet.”
“Fine.”
“Im going to bed, ive been up since like 3 this morning.”
“Same, I don’t care that its only just turned 8 o’clock.”
The girls went to their separate bedrooms and changed before slipping into bed and falling asleep. Emily’s dreams consisted of her and Kevin getting married and having children, a dream she hoped one day would come true. Laurens dreams consisted of her and Nick when they were happy together, she also dreamt about them being together again some day.
Im getting really bored of writing this now which sucks because when I started it I loved it
Im writing chapter 29 now I think, its only going to go up to maybe 35 at the most.
Anyway enjoy